January, a season of sadness

2018 started off quietly. Our holiday season was peaceful and relaxing, but only because I finally decided that I couldn’t handle one more minute of the drama that occurred in 2017 and I told people, in probably too nice a tone, to fuck off. And temporarily, people mostly fucked off. After this merry season of […]

Last Year, part 2

June, 2017. I wasn’t in good shape after the memorial service for my friend. I wanted to flee, so flee we did up to the Cabin. I inherited this Cabin from my parents and it is very special to me. My father built a deck on this cabin in 1992. I couldn’t bear to rip […]

Last Year, part 1

I’m trying to do the work…you know; think about all the feelings I numbed with alcohol. Because I am still tempted to try that numbing technique again, even though I know it doesn’t work. I know the “numbness”  I was feeling was really just me tolerating a feeling of constant, low-grade sadness. I guess I confused sadness […]


Day 55, alcohol free. I am at the Cabin, alone to the extent that the neighborhood allows (privacy is a shifting concept in this particular neck of the woods), and I am enjoying the time and space to read and think about only me. I love my husband and I feel so grateful that he is my […]

The Ocean Within

It’s early days – I’ve been alcohol free for 53 days and I feel really proud of myself for giving myself this space and time for recovery.  Because I know this isn’t recovery from just drinking, but from all the things I was trying to fix, avoid, deny…etc…with drinking. Taking alcohol out of the situation […]

Why am I doing this?

This is a question I have frequently asked myself over the last few weeks. There are two “whats” and a million “whys.” The first what: quitting drinking. I quit drinking 32 days ago because: I never want to be hung over, ever again. I was tired of feeling disappointed in myself for trying to moderate […]